if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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