So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
