I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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