Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
