I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
