Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
