I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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