kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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