I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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