Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
