First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
