I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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