Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
