If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
