It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
