I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
