wat bout pragnant strippers??
one two three fourrrrnication!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
