i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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