Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
