do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
