Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ttyl tear gas
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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