What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize