Whats the glycemic index on semen?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
