I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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