Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
