yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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