Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
