she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
