She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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