I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
