Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
