well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
