I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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