Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
