I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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