Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We don't watch enough power rangers
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
