yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
