I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize