I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
