Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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