my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
