I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
