im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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