Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
