I met the friendliest cop last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
