You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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