i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
