How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize