this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
