WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is Oprah even human
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
