I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
