I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's get the cat blown out
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
