I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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