I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
