I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
