Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
