Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
