There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
