I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
