I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
