it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
