he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
