my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
