He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
