I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
