Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
